entry 46

A BETTER DAY

I have come to the realization that mom just either isn't interested or can't succumb to change with regards to this disease. The first half of yesterday was terrible...mom crying and sad,

I used to drive everywhere

I always changed your dads sheets

washed and folded his clothes

went to the dry cleaners and got his shirts

took the deposit to the bank

I loved my life and now I don't have that anymore!

To me what is really sad...

These are her BEST memories of the life she LOVED?

Sooo, we saw another therapist today that we spoke with for several hours. She is able to prescribe medication and we are hopeful that some of mom's side affects from the Alzheimer's disease will subside. She is extremely fearful.

She is fearful when she can't find me because she has no memory. It's like a little child that when you leave a room cries because they don't know if they will see you again!

When the therapist made that statement I understood better the fear much clearer.

Honestly, if this were me {in mom's situation} I would want the disease to progress as quickly as possible. This stage she is in has no quality of life, really. She exists, but doesn't understand her life. She is alive but is slowly dying and can't function normally. No interests, no desire to do anything or can't. Needs to always be with someone because afraid to be alone.

Oh, it's awful.

I feel so sad.