entry 45

I woke up, walked out of my room just in time to see my mom

run out of the living room down the hallway.

(She does this all the time}

What are you doing mom?

Nothing, I'm just wondering how I'm getting to Provo?

You aren't going to Provo, today.

Little did I know that a huge can of worms was about to spill out!!!!

Mom is crying and depressed and living in her old, past, negative memories.

She is literally unable to get past them to have a conversation.

I know there is no way to have a conversation with someone who's brain cells are being attacked by a horrible disease.

But it doesn't make the the conversation any less difficult!

For the last couple weeks we have been seeing a therapist and going to the Alzheimer's association for some much needed help. Well, I should say that it is helping me but mom hates it. She feels in adequate around the other folks in her group.

They can do things faster than me.

Mom, It's not a competition!

I don't like it. I'm stupid, I'm not as smart as the rest.

Mom, do you realize that all the people in your group have Alzheimer's?

NO, REALLY? I don't ever want to be like them!

Back to today.

We are supposed to go see a doctor for possible meds.

I don't want to go.

How do I know your won't dump me off and leave me in an asylum?

Is this a fake doctor?

{I say mom, give me more credit than that...

You don't have to go or do anything you don't want to do}

I am not sick.

Are you going to take me to doctors the rest of my life?

That would be a horrible way to live!

Long conversation short...she has agreed to go.

{She has told me the temperature in provo 4 times in the last 5 minutes.

She hyper fixates {is this a word} on anything that has do with Jackie}.

Now, she asking what the cut off age is for people with Alzheimer's, example :

Can I still travel?

Go shopping?

Go to theTemple?

Listen to Jackie play?

etc.

Boy, oh boy.

Listen to me, if any one out in blog land is reading this...

Prepare yourselves, now!